I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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