Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
