y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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