Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
