My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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