Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
