Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
