if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
