So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
