Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize