Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I wanna passion pit in your ass
People in love make me want to vomit
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize