why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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