sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
