I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
