There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
