mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
