Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
