Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
