So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
