I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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