You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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