he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
