I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
