I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
