I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
