I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Terrible idea I love it
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
