i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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