Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
