We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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