You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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