life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
