i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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