Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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