Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
