I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
