We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
