Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
