It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
