I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
