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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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