You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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