Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
