I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
