We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
