1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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