I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Also, beer. Big fan.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
