next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
