I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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