he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
