Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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