my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
