You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
