my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
