I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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