I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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