no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
