As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize