It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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