The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
