i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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