We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
