I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
