Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize