Buhtt sex?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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