the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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