I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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