Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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